This one weird trick...

...to getting your unpopular bike blog noticed is to call it "unpopular" on Twitter, I guess. It netted me a whopping 27 page views! That's as good as the time Salsa Cycles retweeted my tongue-in-cheek (but still honest!) review of the El Mariachi 3.

Is self-deprecation the only means to success?

P.S. check out this cool thing I invented. I invite Cygolite, Knog, Planetbike or any other light maker to steal this idea, make it, and send me two free ones. You're welcome! And yes, it might need a few improvements, but you get the idea...right?

Tandem bike my tiny head off

This is a late post. Several months late, just so you know. And at the suggestion of my wife, will be broken up into several posts. You know, just to increase the tension...of a tandem rally report.

Captain of a Tandem's Log, Stardate 52131.2:

My wife and I participated in the 2015 Northwest Tandem Rally. They garnered about 800 people, equating of course to about 400 tandem bikes. Quite impressive, I should say. But there aren't many tandem events out there it seems, and tandem people are pretty dedicated, so I think it's perhaps expected.

We start by shipping our bike to Bellingham Cycle Works. Super dope shop. Run by a dude and his wife and maybe his new baby if they can get it to pick up a wrench every now and then. Guy is living the (my) dream. I highly recommend basing your cycling adventure out of his shop. He seems more than willing to accommodate, but obviously give him a call if you plan to send something his way.

Our bike was packed up in a Co-Motion box. Given that Co-Motion ships wheels separately, it was a tight fit. I think our tandem being a size small might have helped us jam the wheels in there. Still, I was pretty damn nervous about what would get damaged in transit.

We used Bikeflights, which gave us a pretty good rate to and from Bellingham. About $70 for shipping a 70lb package, plus only $1 per $100 of insurance, each way. As I mentioned before, it was shipped to Bellingham Cycle Works and they put it together for us. I almost went with assembling myself, but it was nice to support the local bike shop, and after having to walk from our hotel to the shop to pick the bike up, plus being pretty tired from traveling, I think we made the right choice.

So now we have our bike. Bellingham seems to be a pretty straightforward town to cycle in. There was a self-supported ride around town on Friday, the day we picked it up. We didn't partake in that, but opted instead to just pedal back to our hotel. We had also spent the last week leading up to the trip getting our place ready to sell, so we definitely needed to catch up on sleep. Besides, the bigger mass-start ride would be tomorrow morning.

We did stop briefly at The Hub Community Bike Shop. It's accessed off a pseudo-bike path. Out of the dense foliage appears a large shack-like structure. I am oddly drawn to shacks, so it was only natural that I would want to go inside. My understanding wife didn't mind waiting outside while I ventured inward to purchase a used Specialized Turbo saddle for $5 and snap some photos. Later on in the trip, we'd also receive much advice about cycling up to Vancouver from Bellingham. It would be helpful advice, even if the ride itself would prove challenging.

Comfy saddle in hand, it was back to the hotel. One thing we weren't prepared for was hefting our tandem up to the third floor of the hotel. Fortunately, the hotel itself was in on the rally (though not the official hosting hotel, that one being a Best Western across the street). So they didn't mind us just standing the tandem up on end and wheeling it into the elevator. We eventually got the hang of it. Then the tandem was able to just keep us company in our room. Very handy for prepping for the next day's ride.

NEXT TIME: LOTS OF TANDEM BIKES IN A PARKING LOT AND SOME COPS, TOO.

Hey...something exciting (not really) will show up here, soon.

Something, something, tandem bike.

But for now...remember this?

I've been gone for a while

Did anyone notice?

Likely not. That's okay. The day-to-day grind of poking fun at bicycle culture is something only Bike Snob NYC can muster. Good on him (her?)!

In my month-plus absence, I see that not a lot has changed. It's the summer, so riding is either finally possible for some, and becoming difficult for others. San Diego decided to take a shower over the weekend, so I'm excited to see if that tidies up some trails and gets more green grass to take purchase in our terrible soil.

If I wasn't forced back at work after a long adventure (a later post!), I'd probably be out riding in the mildly humid weather.

Interesting thing. Salsa decided that brown is the new summer color-way. Three new bikes have been unveiled. They're all pretty cool and functional, though I imagine you could get 90% of the functionality across any of the similar models. That is, a Fargo and a Deadwood both offer effectively the same design, save for tire size and maybe that sweet brown co...wait, no, you can get the Fargo in some sort of black/brown/red thing now. I stand corrected.

Ideally it's all better for the buyer, since we have more choices with which to spend hours discerning over. I know I love deciding on which bike to buy far more than actually buying it. Buyer's remorse typically runs strong in my blood. I could say that buying a bike is perhaps one of the scarier purchases I typically make. 

Pony Rustler. Before I can even utter the word "Rustler" I'm already being made fun of. That's what's going to happen. I'm just going to call it the Rustler and wrap black (brown?) electrical tape over the word "Pony".

Lastly, the whole model version designation switching to a component manufacturer methodology. Like, Vaya X9 and Vaya Deore. I just find it very odd to so closely tie your own product name with that of another company's product name. Now how will I know which is the better version, if there's no number? Or was that the issue? Were SRAM and Shimano getting fussy about how the "2" version stipulated one brand, while the "1" version came with another? Hah! That would be awesome...

A Bench for the Massives

I found a bench yesterday. A nice curvy bench. I bet it would have been awesome to sit on, but I didn't want to tease my taint when immediately thereafter I'd go back to sitting on a bicycle seat. I'm kinder than that!

I think I'll sit on it next time, however. Maybe I'll write a review of the bench and compare it to other bench materials such as concrete, extruded aluminum, aerogel, and plastic. I anticipate it will be this year's hottest bench to sit on. Butts will be tooting about it, indeed.

Summer Blockbuster

I wish all online discussions went as smoothly and informatively as the one I just experienced on The Radavist.

Angry Internet Man (me): I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW. LET ME GO COMMENT ON A RADAVIST ARTICLE. GRRRR!

Radavist Man: Unhelpful, non-quantifiable words and conclusion about my angry comment.

Angry Internet Man: THIS DOES NOT SATIATE ME!

Manufacturer of Bicycle in Article: Here are some actual dimensions out to three significant digits and my thought process behind the fabrication of these parts.

Angry Internet Man: Okay...well, I can't argue with numbers very easily. You have alleviated my anger and quelled the internet beast within. For now, the city is safe.

*Credits roll......*

*Post-credit secret scene appears!*

Manufacturer of Bicycle in Article: Here is a self-deprecating comment about people's eyes glazing over because of my ENGINEERING-TALK.

Angry Internet Man: What the fuck!? Don't bring yourself down to that level. Take pride in being able to slap people in the face with information like that. You're obviously not just a dingus putting bikes together, but rather one who at the very least takes into consideration how something should be fabricated, the necessary circularity of mating components, tolerances, etc.

Granted, someone's eyes might glaze over the actual numbers, but at the very least they should realize the importance of such a paragraph's mere existence. This paragraph should represent to your customers that you know what the fuck you're doing and that the ENVE carbon bars won't blow up because you could just have easily fabricated a stupid shitty stem to slap on that fancy powdercoated bike.

*Screen goes dark. Theater lighting illuminates.*

#biketoworkday2015 cancelled

San Diego's Bike to Work Day is cancelled. Yes, you can still bike to work on that day, but the pit stops won't be around. For the full #biketoworkSD experience, you'll have to wait until next Friday, May 29th. At which point many of the volunteers won't be able to volunteer so we'll have a partial turnout.

I won't call on the volunteers to harden the fuck up. No, it's not their job to pander to wannabe commuter cyclists like me. Instead, I will call on all San Diego cyclists to harden the fuck up. Here's a good photo illustrating why you should opt to make the ride on Friday regardless of conditions:

This photo illustrates several things. First, the paved road actually represents San Diego's freeways. The businessperson in suit is you, the rider. The splashing water is not actually rain (because in actuality it will hardly rain, given that it's San Diego). The splashing water is actually the tears shed by those who choose to drive their car on Friday, because traffic will be absolute shit.

Yes, you, the bicycle-commuting businessperson, are have an opportunity to stomp on the sad tears of drivers all over San Diego. You are getting a bit wet, but look at your face. A huge, shit-eating grin as you crush the dreams of a driver hoping to get to work in less than an hour.